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| MTF/FTM Crossdressing For discussion of all things related to crossdressing |
What are we doing?
MTF/FTM Crossdressing
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The thread "What are we doing?" has not received any replies for two months. It has been automatically closed as a result. You may start a new thread on the topic if the information in this thread is not sufficient. |
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Posted:
02-08-2010, 07:53 AM
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What are we doing?This is a post i had in the dark side young members forum and I just wanted all of ya'lls opinion on this.
I've had a horrible cold or flu, Im not not sure which, for a week now and Ive been on a lot of cold medicine that makes me feel, well, high. I was not in a clear state of mind for days. I stated to feel a little better and decided that if I cant feel good and I have no one coming over and I dont have to work I might as well try to look good. I had a lot of time so i went all out to do a good job, showing, shaving, pumicing and all that good stuff before I got dressed and put on make up. I spent a lot of time picking the shades of shadow and putting it on just right to get the look of someone who is healthy. I think I accomplished that just fine. you can see for yourself. I looked cute damn it. (it was the Do I look like another girl at the mall photo thread, it wont let me upload it again) But now to the point i started making at the beginning of this. As I sat back down on the couch in that cloudy state of mind I started to have self doubt and confusing thoughts. When I got up and looked in the mirror I said to myself "What am I doing?" I didnt have an answer to that. I still dont. Just what am I doing this for. What am I spending hours learning about how to apply make up correctly and what cuts of clothes are going to be good for my shape and teaching myself "un-natural" mannerisms, and spending a LOT of money. I have goals for what I wanted to do while dressing. Ive stated them here before, But I dont know what Im doing. What is it that I'm trying to get from this? Is there even a point to all of this? I mean. when I dress i feel right, but most of the time I feel just as right when Im in drab. I dont think I want to transition, or even live as a woman as part of my normal life, well i do and I dont. I know its made me a better boyfriend since I have sympathy to what women go though. But how tied are my masculine and feminine sides. Is this ties deep to my own sexuality or something that can be added or dropped from me from time to time. Do I want to try experiencing life as a woman? Do I need to explore deeper into the fem world or pull back and live in it less. Ive just come to this impasse where I dont know what am doing or where Im going with this anymore. If anyone has any insight, advice, a similar situation or just a "stop taking Nyquil" it would be helpful.  
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Posted:
02-08-2010, 08:06 AM
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Re: What are we doing? Thing is I don't get it sometimes. Why do we have to go anywhere? Can't we just live in the moment without having to have some "Ultimate Plan". Seems to me there's more fun enjoying what you have than worrying about what's next. What if they isn't anything next? Do we have to make a "next"? Are we bored? Is the sky blue? Does Christopher Walken really like cowbells? Is mini me really a midget?
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.gif "No trolls")
talk to the hand 
because there is no 
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Posted:
02-08-2010, 08:28 AM
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Re: What are we doing? Oh, lordy, Megan!
Even at my advanced age (snark!), I get that "What the heck am I doing?" thing, too. Well, just every once in a while these days. But Tris's take ... 'Just live for the NOW'... is the answer for those of us who, like you, are still up in the air about a future life (whether full time or part time) as our nicer selves. The time may come when we've made that decision, but there's no way to force it by over-thinking it. That way demons lay! Just allowing ourselves to be open to any possibility, without our socially implanted self judgement, without fear of alleged hell-fire, is the way to go, hun! Sha-la-la-la, live for today! Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem! .gif "flirting")
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Tristen Cox (02-08-2010) | ||
Posted:
02-08-2010, 08:40 AM
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Re: What are we doing? Short Version:
Listen to Tristen Long Version: I have felt exactly the same from time to time. (and I wasn't even on Nyquil) Always after dressing. After the 'fix'. At one time this would lead to a purge. Then I would binge. Talk about expensive. I am about twice as old as you, still don't know why, still find dressing a hassle sometime, but now realize it is a part of me, and I suspect it is also a part of you. The desire has never left, but now that I am not purging but instead accepting, something you appear to have already learnt (must be smarter than me) I have found peace with myself and my dressing. I don't know what the future holds, but I know my life is great right now, I am not looking for any meaningful changes and I no longer worry too much until I need to. 
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Posted:
02-08-2010, 11:01 AM
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Re: What are we doing? Megan, welcome to the gang. Because, yes, we've all been there at some time and it can lead to the deadly purging which is even more expensive in the long run than not-purging. There are so many possible answers:
(But don't purge.)
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Posted:
02-08-2010, 05:52 PM
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Re: What are we doing? Megan,
I think we have all been where you are at some point in our journey. It's natural to question why we do the things we do. It's even healthy! You have gotten great advice from the girls who have responded. I agree with them. Dress and primp and do makeup when you have the desire. When you feel like playing football or taking apart a car engine, do those things. I have learned that one of the great joys of being transgender is the duality of my identities. I love aspects and activities unique to both. I have learned that you can be happy playing both sides of the fence. You don't have to choose sides if you don't want to. I wish you all the best. You can always share your thoughts and feelings here. Hugs, Sally
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Maggie (02-08-2010) | ||
Posted:
02-08-2010, 10:18 PM
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Re: What are we doing? Now I'm going out for some Nyquil. By the Grace of God I am what I am. (I Cor. 15:10)
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Tristen Cox (02-08-2010) | ||
Posted:
02-08-2010, 11:15 PM
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Re: What are we doing? One advantage of getting older is that, although I still ask myself those questions sometimes, I usually forget to think up some answers. I guess it's just not that important anymore.
Nyquil will fry your liver. Your going to need that. I take 5K IU of vitamin D per day and haven't had a cold or flu in years (knock on wood). Stevie The lady comes to the gate dressed in lavender and leather Looking North to the sea she finds the weather fine She hears the steeple bells ringing through the orchard All the way from town She watches seagulls fly Silver on the ocean stitching through the waves The edges of the sky --Judy Collins
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Posted:
02-09-2010, 07:55 PM
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Re: What are we doing? And don't be hatin' on NyQuil. It's great stuff, I couldn't sleep without it some nights. <3 Andrea Last edited by corsetgurl : 02-10-2010 at 11:40 AM.
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Posted:
02-10-2010, 10:41 AM
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Re: What are we doing?I love to answer this sort of question with a question...What if?
What if crossdressing were considered by society as normal as playing golf? Golfers spend as much money, time & effort, if not more on their activities as Cders. Both provide stresses to the individual and the family ie. being away every Saturday morning sneaking out of work on pleasant days to get a round in, leaving the family on vacation to play a golf course while they wait at the hotel pool. The constant need to buy new and more expensive stuff... But there are no societal taboos about golf. What we are doing, is enjoying the experiences of emulating the feminine gender as best we can. It is as much a part of who we are as anything else about us, we would not ask this question about the books we read or the music we listen to nor the other activities we engage in only this part of our life comes into scrutiny...This is who we are, and Megan you are particularly blessed to have arrived where you are on your journey at your age, looking as cute as you do. PS don't blame nyquil that is my favorite medicine when I'm sick, mostly because it comes with a shot glass.
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Posted:
02-10-2010, 11:24 AM
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Re: What are we doing? I love my life and I love the things that make me smile. If someone gets excited washing their car, or building a shed... good for them. I'll give it a miss as I'd rather be shopping for heels. Lisa xxx
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Posted:
02-10-2010, 11:49 AM
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Re: What are we doing? Quote:
I love the little shot glass it comes with, mix it with OJ and a little vodka, and boom its awesome. Anywho I like your golf analogy, but the main thing I have is that I do this like if I keep doing it Im going to win a prize. With golf the results are tangible. strokes off your game. Im not stopping or purging. I just wish I had a directions I was going or a prize at the end
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Posted:
02-10-2010, 12:58 PM
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Re: What are we doing? OK, so set yourself a direction. About 20 years ago, I drew up a wish-list, which ran something like this: While dressed I would like to...
As for the prize - it's the thrill of doing it! At least it is if you're an adrenaline junkie like me.
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Charlotte Sometimes (02-10-2010) | ||
Posted:
02-11-2010, 09:56 AM
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Re: What are we doing? 'cause it's fun
'cause in a month you'll just HAVE to do it 'cause if you didn't, you wouldn't have any pictures to post for us to see. .gif "Hugs") -Shannen
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